April 8th
by Wendy402
Summary: An accident was what took away his memories. Those cold eyes and emotionless voice pierced though me, even more painful than anything else. "Who...are you?" It felt like a slap in the face, waking me up. Everything that held us together was gone. What do I do now?
1. Accident on April 8th

**I'm making _way _too many stories. But I've been having too many ideas swimming in my head, so I just _had_ to post them!**

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><p><em>On that day, I went to work like any other day. When I was waiting for the bus home, I got a call from Ruka Nogi, my boyfriend's...or should I say fiancé's, best friend.<em>

**_Beep, Beep_**

"Hello? Mikan Sakura speaking...Oh, Ruka-pyon! How are—"

"Mikan-chan, come to the hospital immediately."

"H-Hospital? What happened? Who—"

"Please, just come as quickly as possible. I'll explain then."

_I had no idea what happened then, only the unsettling feeling that something terrible was going to happen. I called a taxi immediately and rushed to the hospital, panting heavily when I arrived._

"Ruka-pyon! What happened?"

_Ruka looked even more shaken up than I thought. His face was pale and his hands were shaking._

"D-Don't tell me it's Hotaru..."

_At that time, I only thought about my best friend, Hotaru Imai, who was also Ruka's wife. Maybe I should have thought a little more, knowing that she is very careful in everything, including health. Not to mention she has a doctor as a brother._

"No...I-It's...Natsume..."

_I understood then, why he looked so shaken._

"Wha- What happened?"

"We were together, walking to a nearby store for some snacks...we were waiting for the green light...a-and then he jumped out onto the road even thought the light was red...He saved a girl from getting hit but then he got hit himself."

_Ruka looked like he wanted to cry then, I couldn't blame him. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it._

"Is Natsume Hyuuga's family here?"

"I'm his fiancé and this is his best friend. H-How is he?"

"The surgery was a success. He's still sleeping due to the effects of the drug. When he wakes up, we'll give him a few other tests to make sure he's okay. He'll be able to leave in a month or so."

"Thank you very much, doctor."

"There is one more thing I should tell you two."

"Y-Yes?"

"Mr. Hyuuga hit his head quite hard, so he might have some memory loss."

"M-Memory loss? Will he recover?"

"That depends on the person. Some recover completely, others don't. Talk a little more to him, bring him to places he always goes to and he might recover faster. That's all I can do about it. Everything else is up to his friends and family."

_Knowing he was alive was an unbelievable relief, and I thought nothing could be worse. Suffering amnesia was about as worse as it would go, I suppose. That was the day I lost someone I loved so dearly, lost all the progress I've made on our relationship and lost half of me._

_That day was April 8, 2011._

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><p><strong>So how was it? Was it good? Dun know when I'll update but hopefully soon! Too many stories to update...<strong>

**R&R Please!**


	2. Starting Over

**Everyone loves updates!**

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><p>I stalked into the room that was covered in white, blinding my eyes. Ruka had let me have some alone time with him, so I was grateful for that. The sound of his steady heartbeat filled the room.<p>

Natsume lay on the hospital bed, unconscious with bandaids wrapped around his head and arms.

_"Mr. Hyuuga hit his head quite hard, so he might have some memory loss."_

Tears welled up in my eyes unceremoniously from the thought of him having amnesia. The words of the doctor replaying in my mind like a pest that I desperately wanted to get rid of.

I wiped my tears frustratingly as I sat down on a chair next to Natsume's bed.

"Natsume?" I whispered and winced, hearing my voice crack.

"Natsume, can you hear me?" I continued on anyways, my voice so hoarse and soft I barely recognized it as my own.

"Natsume please, wake up. Natsume?" I was about to break, shaking in the small chair as I tried to hold my tears back.

I saw his hand flinch, and I quickly stood up, calling his name over and over again. Ruka heard me from outside and he ran into the room quickly, staring wide-eyed at Natsume.

Slowly Natsume's eyelids slid open, revealing his beautiful crimson eyes. My heart instantly fell as I saw how blank his eyes were, how hallow and dark they looked.

"Natsume?" Ruka asked hesitantly, his voice shaking.

Natsume's eyes trailed from staring blankly at the ceiling to staring at the face of his best friend, who he doesn't recognize.

"Natsume?" Ruka repeated, staring at the empty eyes of his best friend. I wanted to run away after looking at how depressed Ruka looked.

"Natsume, do you remember me?" Ruka asked cautiously, only to sulk when Natsume shook his head slowly, his face blank as ice.

"N-Natsume?" My voice squeaked and my heart jumped quickly as he hesitantly turned his head to face me.

"Natsume?" I whispered again, trying to calm my raging heart down.

Those cold eyes and emotionless voice pierced though me, even more painful than anything else.

He blinked.

"Who...are you?" It felt like a slap in the face, waking me up.

"Natsume..." I couldn't help it. I dropped onto the floor and started bawling like a little girl. I heard Ruka's heavy footsteps as he crossed the room to me, gently soothing me. I felt his hands shaking as he soothed me.

After a while of silence, just the sound of my cries, I finally calmed down a little.

Natsume stared at us, confusion clearly written on his face.

"Why...are...you crying?" His voice was soft and slow, it seems like he forgot a lot of his vocabulary as well.

"Natsume." Ruka said, so calm it surprised me. He made his way towards the bed, sitting in the chair I sat in only a moment ago.

"My name is Ruka Nogi. I'm your best friend." He said slowly, like he was talking to a three year old child. Natsume blinked and nodded slowly, showing he understood.

"That girl is Mikan Sakura. She's your fiancée." Ruka said again with the same speed, only to get the same reaction as before before Natsume's furrowed his eyebrows.

"Fi..an...cée?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"It means the girl you were going to marry." Ruka explained gently. Natsume nodded again.

"Do you remember your own name?" Natsume shook his head before trying to say his own name after hearing us say it so many times.

"N-Nat..su...me..." He pronounced his name slowly, staring at us as if waiting for us to tell him the rest of his own name.

"Natsume Hyuuga. You are Natsume Hyuuga." Ruka said, giving him a warm smile. I stood silently, watching Natsume learning his own name.

"Hy...uug...a..." He furrowed his brows in concentration.

"Natsu...me...H...yuu...ga." I couldn't watch anymore. A small whimper broke out and I quickly covered my mouth. Ruka turned around to look at me, and I gave him an apologetic look before running out the room, giving Natsume one last look.

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><p>I never went straight up to him again after that. I went to visit him everyday, bringing him flowers. I would peak in through the door to see if he was awake, sneaking in when he was asleep to put the flowers down, saying a few words before sneaking back out. If he was awake, I would ask a nurse to help me give him the flowers.<p>

Ruka asked me many times why I never went to talk to him and I answered each time with a simple shrug. After a while he didn't push me anymore. I guess the reason why I couldn't talk to him, or even _look_ at him, was because I couldn't bare seeing him so vulnerable and weak. So _different. _

Where was the old Natsume who always teased me, called me stupid names and acted as arrogant as ever? Why after one accident, did he completely change?

Frustrated tears welled up in my eyes whenever I thought of that, remembering how he used to be, how amazing he was.

He shined like the stars at night, but now the stars were hidden by heavy fog and it won't be clearing up anytime soon.

Ruka was a good friend to me, as well as Hotaru in the time Natsume was still in the hospital.

I went to their house often. Though I always said that I was bothering them, I went anyways because I felt so awfully lonely, with no one else to go to.

Ruka would tell me about how Natsume was, how he was slowly improving. Hotaru would encourage me in her own way, cheering me on and I was very grateful for them.

It was almost a month later and a half later when I found Ruka and _Natsume_ coming to the small café that I owned.

It was obvious I was surprised, shocked, because Ruka cracked a lopsided grin at me and motioned Natsume, who was quietly looking around the place, to come over.

He obeyed without any hesitation, probably because Ruka spent time with him everyday, unlike _me._

"Do you recognize this place, Natsume?" Ruka asked.

"No." Natsume answered flatly, staring at a painting in the corner of the room. I followed his gaze only to find that he was staring at the same painting he drew, the painting of _our_ sakura tree.

Tears welled up in my eyes again, but this time I was determined to control it.

"You painted that." I said it so calmly I wanted to pat myself on the back.

His gaze shifted to me and I saw a shift in his aura from before. Back in the hospital, he seemed so lost, so hollow. Now, a small twinkle was in his eyes like he know a little more about the world he woke up to.

But it wasn't Natsume. The boy standing in front of me had the aura of a harmless boy, a child that was still growing up. The Natsume I knew had a calm demeanor, a mature aura of a boy who grew up too fast.

"Really?" He asked. His voice sounded smoother than before, he was obviously tutored on his pronunciation and flow of words.

I nodded at him, giving him a small smile.

"We used to spend a lot of our time there. It was really fun!" I unconsciously laughed, making Ruka laugh as well, but Natsume stayed as silent as ever. For a while there was only silence, and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"A-Anyways..." I looked around desperately for something else to talk about.

"Do you want some cake?" I felt stupid the second I asked it. Natsume had told me millions of times before he hated sweet things.

"Uh...I mean..."

"Sure." I was surprised at his answer. After years of forcing him to try some of the cakes I baked, I finally gave up after his persistent rejection.

I took out a strawberry shortcake that was still left and brought it over to their table.

Natsume ate it slowly, savoring the taste with the same twinkle in his eyes. When he was done he gave me a large grin.

"That was delicious. Thank you." I just stared at him, not moving at all, just staring. For a while he started fidgeting uncomfortably.

"D-Did I say something wrong?" He asked innocently, staring right back at me. I shook my head slowly before muttering quietly.

"No. Not at all." Apparently feeling the tension, Ruka quickly butted in, his voice feigning cheerfulness.

"Hey, maybe you two should go take a walk around the park. After all, there must be a lot Natsume doesn't remember." Ruka said excitedly before pulling Natsume up his chair and motioning me to follow.

Natsume looked confused, but I was nervous. _Very._ Of course, I was glad that I had some alone time with my fiancé, but was this _really_ the person I was going to marry? Was the engagement even still on?

I didn't have a chance to reject the offer because Ruka had already pushed us out the door and mumbled something about being late for a meeting before disappearing.

"W-Well I guess we should just go take a walk and maybe...just talk." I said nervously, laughing awkwardly.

Natsume seemed to have lost the twinkle in his eyes after Ruka left, but followed me silently.

This was weird. Very, _very_ weird, and not to mention awkward.

We continued walking, a fair amount of space between us and absolute silence, the cool wind blowing through my hair. What a great weather. I was humming a small tune before I knew it, my mood lightening.

"I know that tune." Natsume muttered beside me, stopping in his tracks. I stared at him and beamed, though I didn't know why.

"It was a song that you sang to me on our first dance!" She stared at the sky dreamily, remembering the warm memory.

There was silence again, but somehow it felt less awkward.

"I know you're my 'fiancée' and all..." Natsume started again, walking towards a tree and sitting down. I followed his example, waiting for him to continue.

"...but I'm sorry." He whispered.

"I don't remember you at all. Ruka spent the last month and a half talking to me and all, he told me a lot about you too." He turned to look at me. I had no idea what to say, or how to react.

"I remember a few things about Ruka. The time we met, when we went to this...'Gakuen Alice'..." He continued on, staring at the swaying leaves of the tree.

"But I just...I just _can't _remember anything about you, no matter how hard I try." Natsume stared at me apologetically. A lump formed in my throat and I cry was making it's way up.

"I don't love you." He finally said, and it felt like my world had shattered. I spent _12 stupid long years_ trying to get Natsume to finally love me back, to propose, to _finally_ have something in my life that was heartwarming and _permanent. _

I never in my whole life thought that _Natsume Hyuuga, _the boy who claimed to love me more than I could ever think of, say those four words.

_I don't love you._

I choked, but I continued to smile anyways, trying my very best to hide the tears and sob that was breaking through.

I was starting to put up an invisible wall between us, because I knew he was no longer the Natsume Hyuuga that told me he loved me.

No longer the person that gave me the happiest moments in my life, no longer the person that _needed me_ like I _needed him._

"Of course." My voice cracked and I let out a whimper unwillingly, but I continued to smile that fake smile.

"Of course." I repeated again, as if to reinforce what I was going to say, as if to reassure that I was saying this out loud.

"I'll call off the wedding. There's no reason for you to marry me, a person that you don't even know." My own words hurt, like stabbing myself in the heart a hundred times, and then pouring salt all over it.

Natsume stared at me, his face sad and guilty. I knew he wanted desperately to remember about himself, about his friends and family, but wasn't this better? Wasn't forgetting sometimes better than remembering? In his case, it was.

He wouldn't have to remember the time his mom died, the time the academy kidnapped his sister, the times he was forced to go on missions against his will.

This was better.

"Let's start this over. Hello, my name is Mikan Sakura. Let's be friends!"

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><p><strong>I can't help but feel like this story is going to be amazing. :P Maybe it's just me. Antways, I really enjoyed writing this chapter and it personally made me want to cry.<strong>

**R&R Please!**


	3. Dates and Nurses

**Ah! I haven't updated in such a long time, sorry! I honestly wanted this story to only be in Mikan's POV but then it seemed like having Natsume's POV was pretty cool so I did that...Anyways, enjoy!**

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><p>"Mikan-chan!" Nono and Anna called from the kitchen of Mikan's small café.<p>

"Hm?" The girl hummed her reply as she cleaned the counter top. She checked the clock hanging on the wall, noting it was almost closing time.

"There's a call for you." The two girls handed the phone to Mikan.

"Hello?" Mikan spoke. It was rare for someone to call her café number, looking specifically for her.

_"Mikan?" _She gulped.

"Hey, Natsume."

_"Um...I found this number on my cellphone, I decided not to call your private cell since it would be...a little weird..." _Natsume explained nervously on the other end, making Mikan laugh.

"It's alright. Anyways, what's up?" She stated casually, sandwiching the phone between her shoulder and ear.

_"I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go to the amusement park tomorrow?" _Mikan was so surprised, she swore her mouth touched the floor.

"I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?" She spoke over the phone, her heart pounding wildly.

_"I said, do you want to go to the amusement park tomorrow?" _Natsume patiently repeated, his voice less shaky.

Mikan hastily checked her calendar that was right next to her, sitting on top of the counter.

"Sure. Where do we meet?" She replied quickly, her hopes getting a little too high.

_"I'll pick you up at 11, at your house?" _Mikan almost wanted to say that he didn't know her address, until she remembered he had it saved on his phone.

"Sure." She said her goodbye and hung up, taking a deep breath.

"What did Natsume say?" The two girls asked curiously, their eyes twinkling. Mikan grinned at them.

"He asked me if I wanted to go to the amusement park tomorrow."

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><p>Natsume was on time as ever. Amnesia really doesn't change some things.<p>

The doorbell rung just as Mikan was putting the rest of her things into her purse.

"Coming!" She called as she quickly checked herself in the mirror before opening the door. Natsume stood there with a lopsided grin, his expression shy.

"Sorry to call you like that so suddenly." He apologized sheepishly. Mikan laughed him off and gave him a light pat on the back.

"So where we heading first?" She asked, already heading towards his car that was parked next to her house. Natsume grinned, obviously feeling more at ease.

"Lunch."

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><p>Natsume parked in front of a casual restaurant, waiting patiently for Mikan to follow him. Walking in, they found a cozy table at the back of the restaurant, out of earshot.<p>

Mikan eyed him as he scanned through the menu.

"Is there a reason why you called me out today?" She asked as she picked up her menu as well. Natsume shot her an innocent smile before shaking his head, only to nod after thinking about it.

"Well...yes...and no. I mean, you said you wanted to be friends, so..." He coughed.

"I just wanted to know you better, since I 'fell' in love with you." He turned away, a blush on his cheeks. Yep, definitely not the Natsume I know.

"Hm...Well I guess so..." I mumbled as a waitress came, asking for our order.

Lunch went by smoothly, the atmosphere casual and fun. Natsume was like a complete different person, save some of his bad habits like the trademark smirk of his.

"Alright. Let's go to the amusement park." Natsume grinned playfully at me, paying the bill and walking to his car. I nodded excitedly and bounced behind him, eager to have a day of fun.

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><p>After handing our tickets to the ticket taker, we headed in, only to get hit by a wave of music and people.<p>

My eyes instantly widened and with the expression from Natsume, they must have been sparkling.

"Let's go ride that roller coaster!" I tugged onto his sleeve and headed towards the gigantic coaster. I was pulled back, so I looked at him questionably only to meet mischievous eyes.

He leaned down slowly, his eyes darkening, sending shivers of fear down my spine. Whatever he was planning, it was not good.

"Let's go to the haunted mansion." His tone was eery and it sent shivers down my spine as his breath tickled my ear. I instantly shook my head repeatedly, trying to pry my hand away from his.

"Oh god no!" I screeched as he dragged me to the haunted mansion, lifeless trees surrounding the area.

I itched to slap him as he laughed maniacally at my reaction. Ghosts are my utter weakness, though I cannot blame him if he doesn't remember, but he should have been able to tell from my reaction!

"I-I'm really scared of ghosts, please, can we go somewhere else?" I begged, straining against his strong grip as he went to get pay the tickets.

"I know you hate ghosts." He laughed but instantly froze along with me. We stared at each other for a few minutes, before what he said finally processed in our minds.

"H-How...? You remember!?" I screamed a little too loud, blushing when everyone turned their heads to look at a seemingly crazy girl.

Natsume stared at me blankly, nodding before shaking his head vigorously.

"I just...The fact just kinda popped into my mind..." He scratched his head lightly, his brow creased with concentration.

I turned away slowly, my mouth forming an 'o' shape. So he didn't remember.

I walked quickly to the line for the haunted mansion, my fear forgotten and not even noticing the terrifying posters.

"W-Wait! Mikan!" Natsume's desperate voice called on the other side of the crowd that was walking past. I sighed softly, turning around to find him, after all, it wasn't his fault for forgetting.

I walked quickly to Natsume, who was fighting his way through the crowd. He was panting a little too hard, sweat forming on his forehead and neck.

"N-Natsume?" I asked worriedly at the boy who looked terribly sick and pale. He looked away from the people rushing past us and stared at me. For a second we held that eye contact before he gasped and clutched his head in agony. He fell onto the ground with a loud thud, and stopped moving.

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><p>My head throbbed painfully when I woke up in a white room. The world spun around me as I tried to sit up in the unfamiliar bed, also covered in white.<p>

My first thought was that I was in a hospital.

The door clicked open and in came a strawberry blonde women.

"Oh! Your awake." I nodded silently at her as she made her way towards me, her nurse uniform seemed to fit her perfectly.

"What happened?" I asked hoarsely, staring at her. She flashed me a smile.

"Well, you fainted and was brought here. We already gave you a body check, everything seems to be fine. I was told that you had amnesia, so that's probably why you fainted." She explained as she gave me another examination.

"Amnesia can make you faint?" I asked incredulously as she scribbled something on her clipboard.

She laughed a little, and I though I had never heard something so wonderful.

"Well, if you're trying hard to remember something, you may get severe headaches. That may be the source of fainting." I nodded as she laughed again. Perhaps my face was pathetically clueless.

"What's your name?" I asked grinning a little at her and in return she gave me a wink.

"Flirting, are we?" She asked playfully and I laughed.

"Luna. The name's Luna Koizumi." I made a mental note to ask for her next time I visit the hospital.

I flashed her another smile before I blindly searched for my phone that I just _knew_ was on my bedside table.

"May I have your number?" I asked hopefully. Did I sound desperate? She laughed again and a tingle went down my spine.

"Sure. Why not?" Luna quickly fished out her phone in her uniform pocket and read me the numbers.

When she was finished, she leaned down a little, so close I could see the air she was breathing. I gulped and sat nervously, not sure whether to back away or to lean forward.

"It's not everyday I get stalked by a patient." With that, she winked and sashayed out the room, leaving me clutching my phone and grinning like an idiot.

What an interesting girl she was.

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><p><strong>Yay! How was it? I really love making Luna the 'bad guy' though she really isn't that 'bad' in this story. Honestly, people should quit making Natsume jealous over Mikan and switch it! Natsume being jealous is <em>so~ <em>last season. :D**

**Btw, I was thinking making a one-shot songfic, but I'm terribly outdated in songs, so I was wondering if anyone has a good song that could be turned into a wonderful fanfic! PM or review for suggestions please. Thanks! XD**

**R&R Please!**


	4. I'm Sorry

**Omg I've been procrastinating again. I haven't updated in like a month! So sorry! Anyways, please enjoy this chapter!**

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><p>I stared at the hospital bathroom mirror for what seemed like ages. My face was so pale, I swore I looked like a ghost.<p>

People came in and out, glancing at me like I was a mental patient.

What happened? Why did Natsume faint?

I almost started bawling until I remembered that I was still in the toilet. I hadn't even visited him yet, I just spent all my time staring at myself in the public hospital bathroom.

I turned on the water, letting the warm water trickle down my hands before I splashed it on my face. It's about time I went to Natsume's hospital room.

I stalked through the hallways, not sure whether I'm the one visiting, or the one who needs a hospital room. I felt _awful. _

My heart started pounding as I neared the room, hearing faint laughter and voices coming from his room.

I peaked in, only to find a gorgeous nurse talking and laughing with Natsume, who was smiling brightly at her.

My heart clenched painfully.

I walked over to the blue hospital chairs across his room and waited for them to finish before I went in. I didn't even realize the shooting sensation of the ice cold chairs hitting my thigh as I sat down, just the feeling of my heart clenching and unclenching painfully.

I sat there staring at nothing for what seemed like ages before his hospital door clicked open and the beautiful nurse exited. She gave me a bright smile before making her way down the hallway.

I didn't even have the strength to smile back, though I wanted to. I really did.

I trudged into the white, white room, staring at Natsume who was still smiling idiotically as he stared at his phone.

"Hi." My voice was hoarse and weak. He jumped a little in his bed, obviously not realizing I was standing there.

"Oh. Hey! Sorry, I was a little...occupied." He gave me a sly grin.

"Hey you know, there was a super hot nurse just now. I got her phone number." He flashed his phone screen at me and grinned triumphantly.

"Damn she was gorgeous. When I get out of the hospital, I'll totally call her." I smiled at him, a tired smile that just magically appeared.

My cheeks started to hurt as he went on and on about how nice and pretty the nurse was.

"What was her name?" I asked, surprising both of us with my sudden question.

"Luna. Her name is Luna Koizumi." He looked at me for the first time after I entered the room and his smile instantly dropped.

"Hey, you okay?" I nodded my head slowly, not trusting my voice anymore.

"You sure? You look deadly pale. You wanna go call a doctor? We _are_ at a hospital." He attempted to stand up but I shook my head furiously and pushed him back down.

"Don't." I choked out.

"Please, don't." My knees buckled and I fell onto the floor.

"Mikan!?" His voice had a hint of panic as he tried to pull me up, but I just clutched onto his arm as if it was the only thing keeping me alive.

I cried. I cried so loudly a nurse barged in to ask if we were okay. I cried out everything that I had been holding in; loneliness, sadness, depression, anger, jealousy but mostly because of love.

I love him.

I still do, because no matter what had happened, he was the same person that had loved me as well, who used to wrap his arms around me whenever I was upset.

I heard the nurse mumbling a quiet apology for interrupting and the door click close seconds later.

"Mikan." His voice was low and soft and soothing, it only made me cry harder.

"Mikan, hey..." He gently pet my head, my endless tears staining his sleeve.

"Shh..." He whispered into my ear as he picked me up gently, setting me next to him on the bed. His arms wrapped around me soothingly as he rocked me back and forth, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

But he doesn't remember me.

The bitterness of that made me stop crying almost instantly, though I still wanted to. I still wanted to cry, to ease the pain. Even though he was so, _so_ close to me, his strong arms around my waist, his head next to mine as his rich voice filled me, he was so far away.

I am nothing more than a girl who came in one day, declaring herself as his fiancé and wanting to be friends again.

His heart has no space left for me to settle in again.

I buried my face in his shirt, hiccuping and smelling in the familiar scent of his. My body slowly, slowly started relaxing but he never stopped rocking me back and forth like a child and whispering into my ear.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, his hair tickling my face.

"It's because of me, right? I know you're in a lot of pain." I buried my face deeper, my hands clutching his shirt so hard it might rip any second.

He knows nothing. How would he know? Does he know how painful it is to lose someone you love so dearly? If he was _dead_ it might have been better. He doesn't remember me, he's so close, right in front of me, but not mine anymore.

"No." I struggled to speak.

"Hm?" His head turned slightly, his lips accidentally brushing against my cheek and it hurt. It hurt so bad.

_"No." _I pushed myself away, wiping my tear stained face roughly with the sleeve of my shirt. He stared at me with confusion and I stared back. I must look horrifying, but I didn't care.

"You _don't_ know. You never will! You will never know how much it hurts to be forgotten by the person you love!" I screamed at him. He winced as my words wounded him.

"Mika—"

_"No!" _I screeched so loudly the whole building must have heard me.

"You don't remember when we first met, how much you were a jerk and how much I hated you." I rubbed my eyes as I felt new tears streaming down.

"You don't remember during the Christmas ball when you stole my first kiss, when we were dancing together as we insulted each other." He stayed silent, and I was grateful.

"You don't remember when I was taken away by the ESP and you did everything you could just to come see me, how much we kissed and vowed to never let each other go." I cried harder, the sweet memories were overflowing and I was unable to stop them.

"You don't remember how hard it was just to get _out_ of the grasps of all that darkness and finally, _finally_ be together for eternity." I pulled him closer to me, and he didn't complain.

He hugged me tight, stroking my hair with his warm hands.

"_Why? _Why are you touching me like you still love me?" I breathed out.

"I-I...I don't know." He admitted honestly, but he pulled me in closer instead of pushing me away and I felt even more awful.

"I'm sorry," I stared at his chest, feeling his heartbeat against my cheek. "I'm sorry. It's not like you wanted this to happen." I pulled away and we just sat there for a second, me on his lap, none of us looking at each other.

"I'm sorry." He whispered again and I shook my head.

"Please." I murmured before I leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He stared at me wide-eyed, but didn't let go of my waist.

"Please, next time, take Luna to the amusement park instead of me, okay?" I gave him a small smile, before I struggled out of his grip and ran out the door, my footsteps heavy.

"Wai—Mikan!" I heard him call my name as he fought his way out of the covers of the hospital bed and prepared to chase me.

I ran harder, people staring at me, but I didn't care. I turned the corner, bumping into someone.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" I stared at Luna, her strawberry blonde hair in a neat bun and her azure eyes full of worry.

"Are you Luna Koizumi?" I asked dumbly, panic surging through me as I heard Natsume's footsteps getting closer and closer.

"I...Yes, I'm Luna Koizumi." She seemed confused at how I knew her name.

"Please, can you help me?" I begged urgently as his footsteps seemed to be right behind me.

"Y-Yes?"

"Natsume. Natsume Hyuuga, the patient in room 306, can you please take care of him for me?" She seemed surprised at my request and she stared at me blankly for a few seconds.

"Please! Please, I'm begging you. Please take care of him in my place." I clasped her smooth and soft hands in my sweaty ones.

She nodded her head once and that was all I needed before I screamed out a 'thank-you' and ran into the elevator that was just closing.

"Mikan!" I could still hear his voice even when the elevator started moving.

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><p><strong>Whew, finally finished the 4th chapter. I'm so glad I'm getting more and more people to read this story! Thanks guys! So, how was it? Good, bad, can be improved? Comments, suggestions and criticism are all very welcome!<strong>

**Btw, I was thinking making a one-shot songfic, but I'm terribly outdated in songs, so I was wondering if anyone has a good song that could be turned into a wonderful fanfic! PM or review for suggestions please. Thanks! XD**

**R&R Please!**


	5. Pain

**Sorry for the late update _again!_ I just had a few exams, and today was my last exam! So happy! For the whole weekend, I can peacefully write stories, so I'm grateful for that. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

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><p>I stared at him wide eyed.<p>

"Are you discharged from the hospital? So soon?" I asked quietly as Natsume stood there in my doorway, staring at me.

"Yeah, the doctor said I was fine." He replied before silence enveloped us. I started to fidget, feeling nervous. It was stupid of me to run out crying and begging a nurse that didn't even know me to take care of him.

What was I even thinking?

"Uh..." I started, too ashamed to look at him. "So, what are you doing here?" I asked shyly.

I glanced up at him and frown started to form on his face.

"I..." He thought for a moment. "I'm not so sure." He admitted sheepishly. I blinked and stared at him in confusion.

"A part of me told me to come here and make sure you're okay." He explained. "I mean, you seemed really upset last time."

I stared at the floor in shame.

"I—I'm sorry about last time. I was childish and..." I almost sobbed. "...I just wasn't used to the fact." I said no more, but he probably understood what I meant.

"If...the accident didn't happen," He looked straight into my eyes, and I couldn't look away. "Would we be married now?"

I stared at the calendar. The date we were supposed to get married on was last week. My heart ached at the thought.

"Yeah," I breathed. "We would." This time, it was his turn to look at the floor.

"It's not your fault." I quickly reassured. He didn't look up.

"If only I could remember everything." He said bitterly.

"But..." I started, memories and scenes flashing past my eyes. "You wouldn't want to remember." I whispered and he stared at me with surprise.

"Trust me," I insisted. "You wouldn't want to remember."

"But I _do._" He countered, holding me by the arm desperately.

"Please, Mikan. Please tell me about the past. I...I want to remember." I hesitated. No, it would be better if he didn't know. Sometimes it's better forgetting than to remember.

"No." I firmly said, shaking me head and my arm, trying to get him to loosen his grip.

"Please." He said again, his eyes begging, desperate.

"I—" I sighed. "Alright." I gave in and opened my door wider so he could go in.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it." He gave me a grateful smile as he sat down on the couch.

"Hm..." I hummed thoughtfully. "Where should I begin?"

"Anything you know about me." I thought for a moment longer, before I told him everything. I told him about his sister, whom he has met but barely remembers, when I was locked away by the academy and he came to see me just like a prince, the alice festival, all the fun, and the times when were were fighting the ESP.

He listened intently, nodding with his eyebrows knit together in concentration.

"I remember some," He said, sweat layered on his forehead. "It's not very detailed, foggy, but I can remember some parts."

I stared hopefully.

"That's great! What do you remember?" He stared at me for a heartbeat before he clasped his hands together.

"Pain." He said simply, and I froze.

"I remember a lot of pain. I almost died, right? When we were fighting the ESP." He started, staring blankly at me.

"I remember blood, a lot of blood. The pain feels so fresh like it just happened." Natsume put his hand in his palm.

"But it wasn't just physical pain. There was something more." I blinked, my own heart racing. Out of all the things he could remember, why did he have to remember the time when he almost died?

"Something more?" I pressed on, hoping I wasn't asking too much.

"My heart aches," He whispered. "Like I don't want to lose someone." My heart pounded loudly, so loudly I wondered if he could hear it too.

"I..." I started, but trailed off. I didn't know what to say.

"I was afraid to lose you," He murmured gently. "I was scared I couldn't see you again." His words sent fire down my spine, and I started sobbing again. I've been crying way too much.

"That's all I can remember. Everything else is just snippets here and there." I nodded, wiping my tears and trying to control my ragged breathing.

"I understand. Well, I told you everything. I hope you regain your memories soon." I said and he stood up, thanking me, before he left.

"Natsume..." I whispered as more tears threatened to spill out. "I still love you."

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><p>The new scene played over and over in my head, the sight of blood, fire, and that empty feeling of not seeing the person I love ever again.<p>

Is it still possible to feel love for a person when you don't remember her?

I walked the familiar route to the hospital for my regular checkup.

"Oh! Natsume, welcome back." I smiled at the strawberry blonde women, looking as gorgeous as ever in her nurse uniform.

"I would say 'good to be back' but that doesn't seem so nice since it's a hospital." I grinned when she laughed.

"Oh, how is that women? Her name was...Mikan? The girl who came to visit you last time?" Luna asked, concern laced in her words.

"Mikan's fine. I just made her a little upset." I let out a small, sad smile and Luna nodded understandingly.

"Was she your girlfriend?" She asked and I denied it.

"_Was_ my girlfriend. I don't even remember her though, we also broke up." I denied a little too fast, and I immediately felt guilty at my words.

Here I was, denying ever knowing her while she's crying herself for the lost of the person she loves.

Again, the empty feeling and fear of losing your loved one came back, and my heart clenched painfully. Is that how she feels right now?

How awful of me.

Luna stared at me as she slowly nodded her head.

"I've seen many patients with amnesia. Odd how they never love the same person again." She said thoughtfully and panic surged through me, though I didn't know why. Thoughts and questions ran through my head on their own accord, and I had no power to stop it.

Will I never learn to love her again? What happens if I really can't remember her, and fall in love with someone else? What happens to her then?

Luna stared at me with a worried expression, and I only gave her a weak smile.

"Well, that's only a few cases." She spoke quickly. "Everyone's different." I nodded at her, trying to clear my spinning head.

"Are you alright?" Luna asked me urgently as I started to sway, the room spinning around me. I nodded vigorously, trying to reassure her, but that only made me even dizzier.

"I...I think I'm the same as all the other cases." I muttered and she raised her eyebrows at me.

"How are you so sure?" She challenged playfully, wanting to prove me wrong.

"Because I've already fallen." Her eyebrows knit together in confusion at my statement, and I grinned at her like a cheshire cat, despite my dizziness.

I clasped her hands gently in mine and she gave me a surprised look. I leaned in closer, so close I could see the air she was breathing.

Her breath hitched and a dark blush spread cutely across her cheeks. I stared deep into her eyes, almost as if I could see right through her.

For a few seconds, neither of us could look away.

"Will you go out with me?" I whispered and her eyes widened at my unexpected question.

"N..."

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><p><strong>Cliffhanger! Who wants to kill me? Haha I'm so evil. What do you think she'll say? <strong>

**R&R Please!**


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